Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
