She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
