who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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