i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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