It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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