Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
