For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
