you guys were way drunker than both of me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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