yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
