i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Even my vagina gasped.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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