youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Vodka?
Forever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
