she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
