While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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