Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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