HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Blood and glitter go together right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
