3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
