I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
