If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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