you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
