Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
