No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
