That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
