did you get engaged???
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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