if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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