So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize