The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
