ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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