nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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