Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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