im six kinds of drunk right now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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