I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
