too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
