Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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