he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
