she smelled like a LAN party
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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