DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
