I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
