Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
