I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
