can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
