Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
