I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
