pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
