I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
