so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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