I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
