Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
