He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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