If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
