i don't plan on having that self control this summer
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
