I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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