i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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