Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
