I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
