it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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