Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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