I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize