so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
