Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
