just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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