How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come share oat with me in your robe
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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