I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize