Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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